20 November 2009

Shall We Have Another Baby?

I'm broody.

I saw a tiny baby at the library this morning, I just wanted to scoop him up, cradle him in my arms and gently rock him. I wanted to nuzzle his soft head and inhale his baby aroma. I wanted to take him home!

Before I had children I didn't pay much attention to them. If a colleague came into the office on maternity leave I would coo politely, but make my excuses when I was offered a hold. Until I had Presley I'd never really held a baby (well, only if a parent placed their offspring into my arms and then took it away again when it cried)!

Now I only have to look at my Anne Geddes calendar and I sigh with longing. Not a day goes by when I don't think about being pregnant again. The delightful fluttering of the first kicks, the awe you feel when you realise there's a little person in your belly, the sheer effort of giving birth, the miracle of life.

I know, pregnancy is not all flouncing around in meadows in floaty maternity dresses, making daisy chains and reading name books... but the wind, spots, stretchmarks, indigestion, cramp, nausea, gestational diabetes, worry, sleeplessness and tiredness of pregnancy are a small price to pay for the end result, a gorgeous new child.

We always said we would have three children, if we were able. That's why we had our first two so close together, so we could squeeze another in before I get too old.

I'll be *whispers* forty in February. The risks of pregnancy increase with age. We have two beautiful healthy boys, perhaps we should quit while we're ahead.

If we do stop at two children I wonder if I will always feel this longing? The desire to have another baby is so strong, it's almost a physical yearning.

In practical terms the move from two to three children would mean changing our car and losing our spare bedroom. It would also be pretty tiring. I'll admit I'm exhausted running around after Presley and Cash. Pregnancy and a new baby would make this even harder. I've only got two hands and two knees. If I became pregnant now I would have three under three, for a little while at least. How would I cope?

I know I have infinite love to give a new baby, but my time is limited. I feel like I'm already struggling to give Presley and Cash enough individual attention, so how will us having another baby affect them?

Perhaps I should just concentrate on the children I have and enjoy them.

Perhaps I should fold up all the tiny baby clothes and take them to the charity shop.

No, not just yet.



  1. I admire anyone who has more than two children. I find one hard enough.

  2. Oh dear, sounds like you have got it bad!!

    I don't know if the aching feeling for babies ever goes away - look at Octomum!

    I say go for it, the bigger the brood the better (admittedly I only have one little monkey at the moment, but we are all geared up to have 3 more!)

  3. I could have written this exact post. Going through exactly the same thoughts and feelings myself.

    S x

  4. Oh I know that feling too well - those tiny little freshly baked ones are SO tempting aren't they?!
    We always thought about 2 - maybe 3 years apart, but knowing the rality onow of much hard work ONE is, I'm not sure if I'm up to it. We'll see!

    Look forward to hearing what you decide about number 3!! xx

  5. Lovely post!

    we are thinking about a 2nd baby but i keep chickening out! ive only got one and im not sure i would cope with two, nevermind 3!!

    secretly thought of getting sterilised too!

    am i bad?!? or should i just get over myself and get on with it!!??

  6. I have that bad, too. Three under three seems a bit extreme for anyone, though. I see the time constraint, but I was quite happy to have mine three and a half years apart. I like to get one self-sufficientish before cooking up the next one. I have it bad, too, though.

  7. A severe case indeed Ms Calico! I have utmost respect for anyone with more than two children. I still love babies - but am now completely content to pass them back to mum. We shall watch this space with interest!

  8. ahh the broody bug i was bitten and look at me with number 5 on the way! i say go for it and good luck :) xxxxx

  9. We would have so had more baby's if life hadnt thrown the need to have my ovaries removed. No matter how hard being a parent is, the thought of more children is better. I still have a longing even through I know it is not possible and we are considering fostering! Get the sleepless night and nappies all out of the way. I so miss MaxiMad now he is at school and minimad whist he is at Nursery.

  10. Whatever happens you'll find a way to cope with it and another baby will be wonderful, even better if you get a girl this time! I would just go for it and see what happens! I know 2 ladies who have both had their first babies at 42 and both had no problems health wise.

    I am also trying to decide whether or not to have another one as time is on my side I have chosen to wait another year or more.

  11. I'm with you too - I'm longing for a second baby. It's an intensely physical feeling. More than a feeling even. The other day I held H's five month old neice and just longed for another. That night, my breasts felt a bit sore and tingly, a little like when I was breastfeeding, and I squeezed one. I was amazed to see some milk coming out. My body is definitely trying to tell me something! We're waiting until monkey is two in April and then hopefully we'll be trying again.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  12. Funnily enough I was thinking of writing pretty much the same post. Although it's not tiny babies that do it for me, I just sort of feel like I'm supposed to have another. But then that would be four... (or five...)!!

  13. Gosh you are braver than me.

    I guess as I am single it's just as well I content myself with one.

    You may only have two kneew and two arms but you have a very big heart.

    Would that make your blog Baby, baby, baby?

  14. Awww, feeling for you. It is a big decision to make. But.....if you really really want another one I think you will always regret not having one.
    Good luck with whatever you choose.
    You've reminded me I saw the cutest little girl yesterday, about 3/4 months old (normally I'm a real sucker for very newborn babies) She had the chubbiest cheeks and I just wanted to squeeze them. I felt broody for a few minutes then. x

  15. I know that feeling too, i had my four in the space of 3 yrs and 3months - obviously not planned but i wouldn't change it for the world. (well ok maybe some days:)) Follow your heart, i'm a rim believer in fate and i think everything happens for a reason x x

  16. Well I would obviously say go for it with number three due in a few weeks time! It's possible to overthink these things and I do worry about how busy life is going to be but we all cope somehow. I tell myself that 3 children in 4 years means they'll all grow up together quickly. I've found this pregnancy much more tiring than the previous two because there's no chance to rest, but you get used to it and it's temporary. I wouldn't worry about age, I know a lot of people who've had babies 40+. And surely you don't ever regret having another baby? (ok, maybe on a bad day...)

  17. That longing for a baby never goes away even when you are past 40-ssh! and your baby is 15!! I know I couldn't do another baby (oh the freedoms we have now), but I still crave one.

  18. Have to comment again as this is so much what I am going through now too!!

    My husband said to me 'do you want another child or another baby'? He has a real bugbear about women saying they want 'a baby' because of course babies grow up. Anyway, it really made me think about it and I realised that yes, I want another child - I see myself with 3 children, even when I think about them when they've grown up.

    I've still not decided though, I get scared when I think about the time/2 hands/money stuff. I also have another personal plans to do with my career that having a 3rd child will just delay even further. But I think if I don't have one I will look back and regret it more than I would regret putting my plans on hold for a little longer.

    If we do have another, I want my third to be fairly close in age to my second - no more than 3 and half years at the very max. I've very much enjoyed the 2 and half year gap between my first 2 and so would like similar.

    I actually find having 2 in many ways easier than having 1 because they do so much together and entertain each other. Keep hoping the same would be true of 3....but I also know on difficult days when they are both yelling and clinging to me I wonder what on earth I am even considering another one for!!

    Will be very interested to see what you decide!!

    S x

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  20. I am right there with you Sandy, before I had Smurf I liked babies well enough just didn't think they were for me, then I had one and the need and longing for another appeared almost immediatly, we have not been lucky enough to add yo our family, but the longing is still there.

    I wish you the very best of luck whatever you decide.xx

  21. We always talked about having 3. If it's what you want then I say go for it! For us it's a money thing. As much as I'd adore another baby in the future, I'd rather the 2 I have were able to have anything they needed and not having to struggle to provide for 3. Good luck whatever you decide to do!!

  22. Go with your heart. Good luck whatever the two of you decide x

  23. I too am desperate for another baby. But it is more complicated for us. I am already 40, and Star was conceived using IUI so it would have to be 'assisted conception' of some kind for us again. My desperation comes, not from my own longing, but for a yearning that my little Star should have the best of all things and having a sibling is one of the best of the best of all things in my book. I wish you luck whatever you decide x

  24. It's always a tough decision, I imagine. But if you think: you will share the rest of your life with these children; if you had another one you might struggle for a couple of years with all the running around - but as they get older, they do get easier... and if you take a long-term view (!) perhaps it's worth putting in the time now....!! That's how I see it anyway. I always thought I wanted 4 - and sometimes I struggle with just one and the dog and I worry that I might never reach my dream 4. But then I always picture myself in 20 years' time at a kitchen table full of love and laughter and it makes me realise that the time they're small passes by so quickly - you've got the rest of your life to enjoy them...

  25. My little girl is 15 months old, and I'm feeling really broody. I'm 37 very soon, so I'm aware that I need to get a move on, as I'd like the option of three kids. Better start talking my partner around...

  26. Aingeal, we have found two is a lot harder than one, but it is getting easier now as they get older!

    Baby Purse Strings, I have got it bad! Unlike Octomum I only want one more!

    Solveig, in some ways it's a huge decision, in other ways it's such a simple one. I think your husband is right. Whilst I love babies I also love children and can see us with three children too. There would be difficult days, but on the whole life would just be better. I'm waiting for my two to entertain each other, right now they need me with them all the time!! Good luck with whatever you decide x

    Leslieanne, they are. I saw my friend's four week old baby today, they are just gorgeous! Watch this space x

    Lou, thank you. I'm sure Sam would love a brother or a sister. I'm sure you'll be fine! x

    Mwa, it's such a strong feeling. If we had time we would have definitely left a bigger gap. I like the idea of selfsufficientish! x

    Hot Cross Mum, I do too!! Now I've got two the idea of three just sounds difficult, but our friends with three say that it's a doddle! I'll let you know... maybe! x

    Amy, but you're only young (she says patronisingly)! I don't know how you do it. I think you must have ten times the energy that I have. Can't wait to meet number five x

    The Mad House, you poor thing having that decision taken away from you. Of course we don't know if we can have any more. We count ourselves lucky to have two perfect boys. Good luck with the fostering, what a lovely thing to do x

    Pink Starfish, you know, it hadn't crossed my mind that that we could have a girl, I guess had assumed that we would have another boy! I really wouldn't mind either way. Children are children at the end of the day. I'm getting excited just thinking about it! x

    Platespinner, it's such a powerful feeling. It sounds like you're ready for another, are you sure you're not pregnant already?! Best of luck to you too x

    Plan B, I know exactly what you mean! I always wanted twins, that would be the icing on the cake and how long with no sleep?! Good luck if you do decide to go for it x

    Surprised and Excited Mum, you never know what's round the corner. I only met Andy when I was 36. Hehe, yes I suppose it would have to be Baby Baby Baby! x

    Chic Mama, I guess that feeling never leaves you. I've heard a quote, can't remember who said it, that when you're on your death bed you never regret the number of children you had. Something like that anyway! x

    The Wife of Bold, gosh, what if I did have twins?! That would be four under three, I'm not sure I'm ready for that! You're right though, what will be will be x

    Emily O, yes, the tiredness is only temporary - not long for you to wait now. The more comments I read the more I want another! You're right, you would never regret having another baby x

    Gigi, I can't imagine my babies being fifteen! x

    Jack Lucky, thanks.

    Lorraine, oh honey, I know how lucky we are to have two children. You never know what's round the corner x

    Laura, that is a big consideration. You're right that it wouldn't be fair to bring another child into the world if you couldn't provide for them. x

    Rosie, I know what my heart would say. Thank you x

    Geriatric Mummy, I love the photo of newborn Star on your blog, beautiful. Of course, we don't know if we are able to have another unassisted, although we were very lucky to fall straight away with our boys. I'm glad they have each other. I know someone who is due (after four failed rounds of IVF) just before her 42nd birthday, so you never know... x

    Domestic Rebel, thank you for your beautiful comment. That image of a family around the kitchen table has brought tears to my eyes x

    Jacqui, yes, it takes two to tango as they say! Where's that husband of mine...? :-)

  27. Go for it as the feeling never goes away. I waited 2 years before deciding to go for number 3 & there is a 5 years age differance between my next one. I have never regretted it & would love another but 44 is way too old. You are just a spring chicken!

  28. I'm catching up on old posts right now, maybe you won't see this but we were supposed to stop at two and ended up having four. We managed. I had my last baby at forty. It was just fine! Keep on taking care of your health and your kids, and hey, if it happens, it happens!

  29. Daffodilly, I'm sure you never regret it. We will see what happens!

    Gaelikaa, you're right, if it happens, it happens x

  30. My one-year-old is still breastfeeding so it's impossible for me to feel it physically. But mentally and emotionally I understand your yearning. I don't think Mother Nature ever relents when it comes to that need to breed.

    Think about it from every angle and then follow your heart. You only regret the things you don't do (or have) never the things you do (or the babies you have), no matter what the circumstances.

  31. Babes About Town, thank you for your lovely comment. The yearning is still strong! x


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