3 October 2010

Dear Sandy

Last year I wrote a letter to my 16 year old self. It was a wonderful way to recognise the poor decisions I had made in my life and to be kind and forgiving to my younger self.

It didn't do much to help me now though. My life is generally good, but it is not perfect. My husband and I had a state of the nation conversation last week. We talked about how we feel now and about what we would like to change.

We found it useful to look ahead, hoping that the future would hold long life and happiness for us and our children. We imagined ourselves at the end of our lives, with our children beside us and maybe grandchildren too.

We wanted to know what we needed do NOW to enable us to die happy. So we imagined being old and looking back over our lives to this point in time. What did we hope for ourselves, as we lay on our death-beds, and what could we change now to make that happen?

I decided to write this letter to me now, to gain some perspective on what is important and what is not.

Dear Sandy,

Your priorities are your husband and your children, everything else is a distraction. 

Remember to make time for you and Andy. Remember why you fell in love with this man, almost at first sight, maybe before. Spend time together as Andy and Sandy (yes, I know, we rhyme). Arrange dates and stick to them, even if the 'date' is a night in front of a DVD with a bottle of wine. Talk.

Appreciate your beautiful children while they are young. Remember that they are children and they will act like children. You can not control them, they are their own people. Try to keep your temper. If they smear yoghurt all over the table for the fiftieth day in a row, screaming and shouting isn't going to make any difference. Just clear it up, it doesn't matter.

Enjoy playing the same games over and over again. Read to them and sing and dance with them. Cuddle them more than you think is necessary now, when they are older they won't be quite so keen.

Allow them to make their own mistakes, but be there to help them pick up the pieces. Keep them safe, but let them flourish and grow. Prepare them for the world by teaching them manners, tolerance and compassion.

Be there for your friends. Nurture those relationships that make you happy. Make the effort to keep in touch with people who enrich your life, no matter how far away you all live. 

You can be viciously self-critical. There's no need to be so hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself. You can only do your best. You are loved.

Remember what you once heard: when you're in your twenties you care what people think of you. When you're in your forties you don't care what people think of you. When you're in your sixties you realise no one was thinking about you anyway.

When something or someone makes you unhappy you need to take a step back. Balance is everything. If you want to write fiction, just write. Don't make excuses. Turn off the internet.

Go outside more, walk and breathe in the fresh air. Practice yoga everyday. Smile more. Keep reading every day. Keep learning. Eat to live.

Do things that make you happy. 

Be happy.

Love, Sandy x




  1. Great advice for yourself and also for the rest of us. The whole point to life is being happy and making others happy really isn't it?

  2. What great advice for everyone, think we could all take lessons from this fantastic xx

  3. Beautiful and wise words. Really great advice.

  4. I definitely need to do these things too! xx

  5. Perfectly beautiful - and true.

  6. Thank you - I have taken a lot from that.
    I think one of the most important points is to make time for the man you love, and cherish the minute time that you have together when you have children. Sometimes the "us" can get lost in "them". x

  7. Good idea, a letter like that. And wise things to say to yourself.

  8. Great focus in this letter. You now need to put it into action!!

  9. Wonderfully written and extremely sound words of advice. I think this could be re-titled: Dear Mothers.... x

  10. This is a really great idea with some good advice. I'm just worried that I would ignore me, what do olduns know anyway?

  11. What a wonderful letter Sandy. I have always wondered about taking up Yoga. I will adopt all your sound advice as my own with the exception of writing fiction but yes I vow to have a PC free day on Sunday. I must do that at least ocne per week.

    Take care, Mich x

  12. Hi. I am your newest follower from the Weekend blog hop! Lovely blog:) You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

  13. What an inspiration - thank you so much x

  14. Photo Puddle, it is, but somehow people forget that x

    Kerry, thank you :-) x

    Deer Baby, Thank you, I just need to take it now! x

    Emma, hey, me too! x

    Gigi, thank you :-) x

  15. Suzanne, you're so right. Children are pretty time-consuming! x

    Mwa, thank you :-) x

    JFB57, I know!! x

    Liz, thank you :-) x

    Hot Cross Mum, thank you. I hadn't realised how general it was :-) x

  16. Jamie, I'm worried about that too. Perhaps I should print it out and stick it on the fridge! :-)

    Mich, thank you. I only turn on the laptop at weekends if the boys are out or asleep, it makes your family your focus x

    Hanna, welcome! Your blog is lovely too :-) x

    Lorraine, you're welcome :-) x

  17. I think your letter is just wonderful and has made me really think about all the things you have said - they could all apply to me. Great post.

  18. Tilly, thank you so much :-)


Blog Widget by LinkWithin