Why can't you just accept that you're okay at it? But I'm not. Not even okay? Surely you would say you're okay? I suppose so. I just feel that I could do better. Of course you could do better. Every day I decide I'll do better and then something happens and I don't do better. I annoy myself. But at least you try. I know. I wish someone could wave a magic wand and make it happen. What's the point of that? YOU need to put in the effort. Oh God I'm so lazy. No you're not lazy, you're just tired. It takes a lot of energy to run round after two toddlers. I am physically tired, but the mental tiredness is the killer. You don't want to go back to work though? No, I don't. I do love staying at home, but it's the same old same old that makes me weary. Bored? No, I'm not bored. I'm mentally stimulated by writing. I'm just fed up of the same battles every day. Why does it take so long to do anything? I've had to start to threaten to leave Presley at home if he doesn't come here NOW with Cash's shoe. I don't want to mentally scar him or upset him, but it's tedious. You need to change. I know. You can't expect to do the same thing each time and hope for a different outcome. Change what you do. Make getting ready to go out into a game. I try to make everything fun. Perhaps we need a new song. Yes, that would do it. Ah, but I'm still not a good enough mother. Oh woe is me. *sigh*. What would make you think that you were a good mother? Getting everyone dressed and out of the door by 10am? No, of course not, that's ridiculous. What about them eating everything you cook, would that make you a good mother? No, not really. Well, what then? Kisses and cuddles and calls for Mummy when they fall over or have a bad dream. Running over to give me a hug. Feeding me sweetcorn. Laughing. So you're a good mother then. On that basis I suppose so. But everyone loves their mum, even if they're a crap mum. Oh shut up!
This post was written for the Sleep is for the weak writing workshop. This week I chose writing prompt no.3 What have the voices in your head been saying lately?