10 February 2010

My Ten Most Surreal Mummy Moments

If anyone had told me, before I got pregnant for the first time, that any of the following would happen to me I would not have believed them.

What you are about to read is true.  Some of it is not for the faint-hearted.

1) When I was heavily pregnant with Presley I kept forgetting I was pregnant. I was proud of my parking ability. One day I squeezed the car into the last space in the car park at work. You can guess what happened next. I couldn't get out of the car! Red faced with shame I drove off and found somewhere else to abandon park the car.

2) When I was in my third trimester of pregnancy with Cash, he liked to dance. I'm pretty sure he did the fandango every night whilst shaking maracas. He must have been somersaulting in my belly, so much so that Andy could feel the bed moving.

3) Just before Cash was born, as the exasperated midwife was trying to encourage me to push, I beckoned her over to make a confession. I told her that I couldn't push because I needed a poo. The midwife laughed, called me a comedian, told me the poo was my baby and took the gas and air off me. Cash was born a few minutes later. Not a poo.

4) I was sat in the hospital bathroom, four days after Presley was born. I heard dripping and assumed it was the shower. It was only when I looked down that I realised my milk had come in and was pouring onto the floor.

5) The first night at home with Presley was long and difficult. He was feeding constantly. Andy was being supportive. We were exhausted. For some unknown reason we laid Presley on a pillow between us in bed so we could lay down. When he finally slept we carried him and laid him in his carrycot - still on the pillow. What were we thinking? Do not try this at home!

6) I asked a complete stranger whether she would like to take a look at my nethers. She agreed. I laid down on the sofa. She had a good look. Luckily she was a midwife and she checked that my stitches were healing. No one was embarrassed.

7) I've flashed at my father in law, more than once. I didn't mind him being in the room when I was breastfeeding, after all I never wanted to shut myself away and miss anything. Now though it's a different story. I don't want him to see my boobs. Unfortunately Cash has other ideas and regularly pulls down my top. Just for a laugh. The herbert!

8) I can clean up snot, pee, poo and puke and no longer bat an eyelid. I can hold a sandwich in one had and wipe a nose with another. I'm immune to bodily fluids.

9) The Postman has watched through the kitchen window as I have performed the Makka Pakka dance for the boys, including the bum waggle. I no longer have any shame.

10) We all sit at the dining table for our Sunday dinner. Andy and I use our Rubik's Cube pepper mill. Presley and Cash hold a small (real) Rubik's Cube over their dinner and twist it. No, we don't think this is odd!

Photo credit - Firebox.com


  1. Brilliant post. Love the Rubik's cube. I have to confess that n*3 happened to me too (and I wasn't on gas and air!)

  2. Isn't it weird how you don't care about flashing people when you're breastfeeding but you return to your normal, sane respectable self once it's all over? I was the same, it must be the hormones.

    I also have the problem with my toddler pulling my top down - she learned to stand by pulling up on my bra and now hides her toys in there. Sometimes I wonder why things are a bit uncomfortable and when I investigate there's lego in my bra.

  3. brilliant :)
    number 9 is my favourite - can totally relate!

    (p.s. i moved my blog again :P it's now here: http://lifewithlittledude.blogspot.com/ if you fancy a peek/re-following, and i've added you to my page of blogs i love, hope that's okay? xx)

  4. #4 had me laughing enough that hubby asked me what was so funny. . . =)

  5. oh yes, i can relate to pretty much of those. Wonderful!

  6. No. 3. That happened to me too. And also no bodily fluids of my own children can freak me. However, other peoples children, that is an entirely different matter!

  7. Love that post!!

    I remember being very pregnant with Sam and i went out for a meal with my husband, sister and her partner.

    We went to a small local restaurant just incase i started with anything. When we were shown to our table i couldnt fit in and everyone in the restaurant had to move around so i could sit at a table. So embarrassed!

  8. Oh yes the indignity of having children. I dont even blink at a smear test now

  9. Great list! I'm with you on the bodily fluids thing. And I love what you do with the rubiks cube!!

  10. LOL! Love it!! Amazing what pregnancy & parenthood do to us :o)

  11. hahah brilliant as ever! I think there is a volg in order for that Makka Pakka dance :)

    Thanks for sharing this :) xxx

  12. Hello,

    I have sent you a sunshine award...it's my first time! S x

  13. Foodie Mummy, thanks. Oh that's so funny!

    Helen, brilliant! I usually find cheerios down my bra!

    Little Dude's Mummy, thanks. Have followed! x

    Erin, oh dear! :-)

    Heather, I'm glad it's not just me!

  14. Fraught Mummy, I went out on a limb with #3. I'm so glad it's not just me! Oh I totally agree. I don't mind dealing with my children's bodily fluids, but I draw the line at my neice's. That's what their parents are for!

    Lou, how embarrassing! But not as embarrassing as if you weren't pregnant. At least you had a good excuse!

    The Mad House, yes, it's a total indignity! Still don't like smear tests though!

    Solveig, thanks. Congratulations on your award and thank you so much for passing it on to me. I'll be over to collect it soon :-) x

    Slim Lens, I know, it's something you can't quite imagine ever happening to you!

    WADs, hmm, a Makka Pakka vlog. I'm not sure there are screens wide enough to take the bum waggling bit ;-) x

  15. Oh my god, I did No 3 too - I apologised to midwife as I thought I'd pooed from pushing so hard but it was the babies head!!

  16. Make Do Mum, I'm so glad it wasn't just me! :-)

  17. The funniest surreal moments post I've read!!!
    Love the giving birth to poo one and the Makka Pakka dance!!

  18. Baby Genie, thanks, I think I can laugh about my moments - just about!!

  19. There is no shame left when one has been a parent.


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