New Baby Advice

This is a photograph of Andy with a five-day-old Presley.

When we had him we were both pretty green.

Well, I say that. We had read countless books and attended NCT classes, active birth classes and NHS ante-natal classes. In fact no one could have been more prepared than us, but it still wasn't enough.

NOTHING CAN PREPARE YOU FOR THE SHOCK OF BRINGING YOUR NEW BABY HOME!

I suppose it is difficult to see beyond the birth, but I had no idea what to do with my darling baby.

On the day that we came home from the hospital, I gingerly lifted Presley out of his car seat. I stood in the middle of the lounge, with my tiny baby in my arms, and said 'what do we do now?'

Over the following days, weeks and months we worked it out.

Andy's sister had her long-awaited baby last month. He new daughter is a beautiful bundle of joy. I don't like to wade in and tell my sister-in-law what to do, but I can share my new baby advice here, on Baby Baby.


When your baby cries check the following:
Is he/she hungry? How long since his/her last feed?
Is he/she tired?
Does his/her nappy need changing?
Does he/she need winding?
Is he/she too hot or too cold? In a centrally heated house you really don't need four blankets!
Are his/her clothes uncomfortable? Check labels in particular as these can rub.
That hopefully covers most eventualities. By the time you've checked all of these he or she will probably be hungry again!

Babies really shouldn't cry all the time. In my experience they aren't exercising their lungs. This isn't what babies do. They are crying for a reason. If you have checked all of the above and your baby regularly cries take him or her to your GP. Cash had reflux and screamed with pain for quite a few weeks before we saw a consultant. As soon as he was treated with Gaviscon Infant he was a different baby. Trust your instincts - you are probably right.

When your baby is tired let them sleep.
Babies need plenty of sleep, it's when they do their growing.
At the first sign of tiredness (rubbing eyes, crying) put your baby down in their moses basket or pram.
It is useful if your baby can learn to fall asleep on their own (although you can rock them to sleep as much as you like, after all who doesn't want to cuddle their baby?)!
If you are swaddling or using a dummy this will be an additional sign for them that it is nap time.
Once you have done this a few times your baby will settle very quickly.
Put the kettle on or go for a walk and show off your shiny new pram!

Establish a bedtime routine as soon as you can.
At around six to eight weeks we started a bedtime routine.
We tried to keep our babies awake from around 5pm.
At 6pm they had a baby massage, then a bath.
Once dressed they had a bedtime story and a feed.
At 7pm we put them to bed in a fairly dark room, away from any noise, but close enough so we could hear them.
If they don't settle, give them a quick cuddle and try again.
After a few days they will get used to this new routine and you can have your evenings back.
Even if you only have dinner and a quick chat with your partner or maybe watch some television (or blog!) you will have had some time to yourself.
We found that our young babies would wake around 10pm for a feed and then straight back to bed again. As they get older they will go longer and longer between feeds at night and eventually you will achieve the holy grail of parenting, your baby will sleep through the night!
Our boys still have pretty much the same bedtime routine and always go to bed at 7pm.

Teach your baby the difference between day and night.
This follows on from the bedtime routine.
It's really handy if your baby understands the difference between day and night.
You can teach them that daytime is for playing and night time is for sleeping.
If you can have them sleep in their pram during the day and their moses basket or cot at night this will help establish day and night associations.
Make night time nappy changes and feeds as low key as possible.
Keep lighting and chat to a minimum during the night.
Enjoy those late night cuddles as they don't last that long.


So that's how we did it in the Calico household.

Do you have any new baby advice? Please share your top tips in the comments.



Disclaimer:
Please note that I am not a parenting guru, neither am I medically trained. I'm just passing on what worked for us.

New Baby Advice

Done

I look at my two perfect boys. I can't believe they're mine. I mean, where did they come from? How did we create these two amazing, adorable little people?

Before I had children I could take them or leave them. I couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. Now, of course I do.

Over the last few months Andy and I have been asking ourselves the question shall we have another baby?

I love tiny babies. My friend Amy is due to have her fifth baby next month, he's due on the same day as my sister in law's first baby. I'm sure I'll feel spectacularly broody when they arrive. There's no doubt that I'll cry when I hold those tiny snuffling bundles. I know I won't want to hand them back.

As lovely as new babies are, it's another child I want. In fact, I'd like more children. I'd quite like twins. Age just isn't on my side. You know how you set your own rules in life, such as always taking off your makeup, no matter how drunk tired you are? Well, one of my life rules was to not have a baby in my forties. Rules are made to be broken, they say, but maybe not in this case. I'm forty now and I don't want to push my luck.

So, is that it? Are we done?

It saddens me to say that yes, I think we are done. We'll stick with this winning hand, with our two darling sons.

I took Presley and Cash to visit Sally and Flea today. We walked to the park for a picnic. I left Cash in the buggy while we ate. Presley stuffed his face with sandwiches, pombears, grapes, yoghurt, Oreos and a smoothie. Anyone would have thought he hadn't eaten for a week! Cash was more restrained, but he had already hoovered up his own body weight in raisins at Sally's house (huge apologies for the mess on the rug).

Once we had finished eating I let the boys loose to run around. The park was gated and toddler-friendly, but I still needed eyes in the back of my head - and Sally's help - to keep up with Presley and Cash. Having two toddlers is hard work when I'm in the comfort of my own home, where I know they can't go anywhere. Out in public it was pretty tricky.

As I strapped Cash back in the buggy and fastened Presley's LittleLife backpack so that we could walk safely back to the car, it dawned on me that I wouldn't be able to cope with a baby as well. I'd struggle to leave the house.

I've got two hands, two arms, two knees and two children. I'm done.

Done

Advice From The Sleep Professor

Professor Gregory Stores rang me earlier this week. Don't worry, he's not a random caller. He's one of the experts at The Pampers Village. I won the lovely A Modern Mother's Pampers Golden Sleep Train competition and this was my prize. I had an hour on the phone with a sleep professor. Would he be able to help my family get a good night's sleep?

Cash, who has just turned one, used to sleep for twelve hours per night, only rarely waking up. Over the last few months he's started waking at random times throughout the night, about once a week. All he wants to do is play, so one of us (usually me) takes him downstairs to play.

I know!

I can hear you shouting at your screens. Clearly this isn't helping him learn to sleep at night. For the sake of peace and quiet for the sleeping partner (Andy, who has to work the next day) we go and play. As I'm typing this I know how silly it sounds. Anyway, this is the problem I put to the Prof.

A few of you had questions for the Prof too. If anyone would like to read them, they are in the comments here. They follow a similar pattern to our little problem: babies who in the past have been capable of sleeping through, but now wake up at inconvenient times, or too early in the morning.

Drum roll please.....

Here is the advice:

First a little disclaimer. The advice given here is in the form of general principles. It is not intended to replace the advice of health care professionals. If you believe your child is unwell you should seek advice from your GP or HV. These principles only apply to children that are in good health. Oh, and all babies are different.

Okay, here is the advice, coming up.... now:

At around six months a baby develops its biological clock. They learn the difference between day and night. At around six months most babies no longer need a night feed, particularly as they move onto solid food.

To encourage proper day/night associations, try to make night feeds and nappy changes as quiet and calm as possible. Keep the lighting minimal, avoid talking and eye contact.

Sleeping though the night is a habit. If this habit becomes disrupted the baby may need help to get back into the habit. The disruption could be a heatwave, teething, a cold, too much light in the baby's room, loud noises, a change in routine, a holiday or any kind of upset.

It's important for your baby to learn to settle themselves. If you're at home, daytime naps are best taken in the night-time cot. Follow the same routine every day where you can. Put the baby in the cot and give a dummy and/or comforter and leave the room.

Daytime naps are important. If the baby has too little sleep in the day they will become over-tired and may not sleep well at night. The acid test to find out whether the baby has had the right amount of sleep during day is how easily they settle at night. If they have had too much sleep during the day they won't settle so well at night.

Waking up in the night is normal, but the baby needs to learn to self sooth.

Try not to go to your baby straightaway during the night, certainly not at the first sign they are waking.

When you go in, check for all the usual 'baby can't sleep because...' issues. You know, dirty nappy, leaking nappy, too hot, too cold, teething etc. Once you have eliminated all of the above, say goodnight and leave the room.

You shouldn't reward the baby who should be asleep with cuddles, a sneaky feed or playing downstairs with mummy.

You can see where this is heading, can't you?

That's right. CONTROLLED CRYING.

Anyway, back to the advice...

If the baby is well, you leave them to cry. You can go in to check on them, but once it is clear they are otherwise okay you leave the room. They may cry for a long time the first night, but the crying will reduce each night. After a few nights they usually stop crying as they have learnt to settle themselves, or self-sooth.

Babies do not feel abandoned during controlled crying.

Controlled crying is a quick solution to what can be a long-term problem. It's in the whole family's interests to get a good night's sleep.

If, as a parent, you find this difficult, try getting support from your health visitor. Make sure you and your partner are both consistent in your approach to controlled crying.

The controlled crying technique can also be used for daytime naps and early wakers. If your baby wakes at 5 every morning and you have done the usual checks, let them stay in their cot until you are ready to get up.

Your baby won't come to any harm in their cot.

Controlled crying definitely works.

***

So, there you have it.

I found the Prof easy to talk to. We had a chuckle about my horrified reaction to controlled crying. I believe I said 'you mean you leave them to cry? Oh no!'.

I've never left a baby to cry in my two years as a mother. It goes against every maternal bone in my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a co-sleeping, continuum mum - our bed isn't big enough for a start. Both my boys slept better once they were moved into their own rooms at seven months.

We do have a sleep problem though. I'm getting on a bit (it's the big 40, or the big-four-oh-dear next year) and Andy and I both feel pretty shattered most of the time. So what do we do?

This is a head verses heart dilemma.

Do I follow my head and take the Prof's advice? Or do I follow my heart and go to my baby when he cries?

If I go with the former, I'm going to follow the controlled crying technique as explained by the fabulous Rachel at Really Rachel. I can see from the comments on this post that controlled crying seems to work, but I'm not sure I've got it in me to try.

If I go with the latter, I can guarantee Andy will never agree to baby number three, we're just too tired.

What will we do? Watch this space...

Advice From The Sleep Professor

A bit of hush

My husband wonders why I don't listen to more music on my laptop. I've had a little play with Spotify and it's brilliant. I've worked out how to listen to the radio via the web. But so far I haven't taken advantage of this world of free entertainment. He works from home and listens to music all day every day. Lucky him.

I love music. Music has always been a huge part of my life. My husband and I write and record songs. Before we had the babies I loved going to gigs. So why don't I use my new laptop to listen to music? Well this morning I tried and this is what happened...

I was keeping an eye on Twitter when I saw a tweet from @HellenBach announcing a new Janet & John story on Wake Up To Wogan. I used to listen to Terry on my way to work so I decided to fire up the IPlayer. Well, I tried to listen, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I could hear Terry chuckling away, but I wasn't sure why.

Competing with Radio 2 were the following:

The baby was in the Chico Walker. He was bashing away at the buttons playing tunes and finding random beeping, woofing and telephone noises.

The toddler had put the baby bouncer on vibrate and had the 'waves crashing on the shore' at full volume.

The toddler had left the baby bouncer and was playing with V-Tech bus, again at full volume. Life was quieter when he hadn't worked out how to turn it on. Sometimes we used to turn it off and say it was broken. Why do people buy them electronic toys? 

The washing machine was on spin.

The microwave was on heating up some milk for the baby's porridge.

The toaster was on.

The kettle was on.

The cat was snoring.

Despite all this I decided to persevere with the radio. I put the babies in their highchairs ready for breakfast. While I was getting it all together, and in addition to the aforementioned cacophany, the boys were complaining too. We call it beeping, but it could also be described as whinging, whining or screaming.

Eventually I sat down to feed them and was able to listen to the radio. They were bemused by my singing along to the likes of Blondie, Neil Sedaka and Norah Jones as they ate their breakfast. But this moment of calm was short-lived as their Grandma soon arrived with their cousin. Their cousin likes to bang toys against the fireguard.

I shut down the IPlayer. Terry couldn't compete with my noisy world. This is why I don't listen to music much during the day!

One of my Twitter friends told me that one day I'd be praying for a quiet house (his children have all flown the nest), I want that now. But of course as soon as I have it I'll want the noise back, I'll want the commotion that comes from having children around. Perhaps I'll fill the void with music, or perhaps I'll enjoy a bit of hush. 

A bit of hush