I saw a tiny baby at the library this morning, I just wanted to scoop him up, cradle him in my arms and gently rock him. I wanted to nuzzle his soft head and inhale his baby aroma. I wanted to take him home!
Before I had children I didn't pay much attention to them. If a colleague came into the office on maternity leave I would coo politely, but make my excuses when I was offered a hold. Until I had Presley I'd never really held a baby (well, only if a parent placed their offspring into my arms and then took it away again when it cried)!
Now I only have to look at my Anne Geddes calendar and I sigh with longing. Not a day goes by when I don't think about being pregnant again. The delightful fluttering of the first kicks, the awe you feel when you realise there's a little person in your belly, the sheer effort of giving birth, the miracle of life.
I know, pregnancy is not all flouncing around in meadows in floaty maternity dresses, making daisy chains and reading name books... but the wind, spots, stretchmarks, indigestion, cramp, nausea, gestational diabetes, worry, sleeplessness and tiredness of pregnancy are a small price to pay for the end result, a gorgeous new child.
We always said we would have three children, if we were able. That's why we had our first two so close together, so we could squeeze another in before I get too old.
I'll be *whispers* forty in February. The risks of pregnancy increase with age. We have two beautiful healthy boys, perhaps we should quit while we're ahead.
If we do stop at two children I wonder if I will always feel this longing? The desire to have another baby is so strong, it's almost a physical yearning.
In practical terms the move from two to three children would mean changing our car and losing our spare bedroom. It would also be pretty tiring. I'll admit I'm exhausted running around after Presley and Cash. Pregnancy and a new baby would make this even harder. I've only got two hands and two knees. If I became pregnant now I would have three under three, for a little while at least. How would I cope?
I know I have infinite love to give a new baby, but my time is limited. I feel like I'm already struggling to give Presley and Cash enough individual attention, so how will us having another baby affect them?
Perhaps I should just concentrate on the children I have and enjoy them.
Perhaps I should fold up all the tiny baby clothes and take them to the charity shop.
No, not just yet.