How to make the perfect cup of tea

I think I may have hurt Andy's feelings today, but I couldn't go on living a lie.

I wasn't rude, I didn't shout, neither did I call him a name. I was just honest.

I've written before about my dislike of rudeness dressed up as 'telling it like it is'. I prefer to spare people's feelings if I can, but sometimes you just have to come out and say it.

Andy and I were having another discussion about the science of making tea. Don't get me wrong, it's not a major topic of conversation chez Calico, but I'm a little fussy when it comes to hot beverages. I commented that he doesn't always draw fresh water each time he boils the kettle. He said that his tea can't be that bad as I don't complain. I told him that was true, but also that I have to pour some of the tea he makes me down the sink as it is undrinkable.

I know. What a horrid thing for me to say.

He'll get over it, of course, but I'm not expecting many hot drinks to be made for me for a while.

So, how do I like my tea (just in case you're brave enough)?

• Use only new, fresh water in the kettle
• Pour boiling water onto the tea bag
• Let it brew for a few minutes
• Add a tiny drop of skimmed milk

See - I'm not that fussy, after all. I'm NOT!

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I wrote this post ages ago, but hadn't published it because it's a bit, well, grumpy. Today I was having a chat with Michelle from The American Resident and she admitted that she doesn't like making tea for people. When they're as fussy as I am, frankly I'm not surprised. I seldom accept a cup of tea if I'm at a friend's house because I start to twitch if they don't pour the water the second the kettle boils (they never do). If they put too much milk in my tea I want to cry. It's safe to say that if I go to your house I will ask for coffee (and then flinch as you pour the water the second the kettle boils). Hey, T from Mummy Barrow, you of the tea linky, how do you make tea?


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How to make the perfect cup of tea

Can You See Me?

Some days I think I must be invisible.

Can you see me waiting with my heavy trolley? I'm the one with two small children who lets everyone else pass before I try to make my way through the crowded aisle. Then, as I heave the trolley forward, you step in front of me. I have to change direction to go round you. You have a single loaf of bread.

Can you see me putting my shopping on the conveyor belt? Bend, grab, stand, twist, drop, twist, repeat. Why are you piling on your carrots and your Cilit Bang and your mince? I've still got half a trolley load to go on. It will never fit into the six inches of space you have left me. I ask you to please wait. You look incredulous. Where did that small voice come from?

Can you see me here in this busy car park. We're both trying to get our children into our cars. You open your door as far as it will go. I can only open mine a notch. You don't hurry. As I finally begin to reverse out, you start to get in your car. I have to stop and wait for you, again. I make a mess of reversing and have to go forwards and back. You have your car in reverse. I worry you'll pull out. You clearly haven't seen me.

Can you see me pulling in here, waiting behind this parked car? I'm following the rules of the road and giving way to the oncoming traffic. You overtake me and make the oncoming car wait. I guess we're both invisible.

Can you see me queuing for the cash machine? I'm standing a respectful distance from the woman in front. When she leaves I step forward, but you have walked in front of me. As if I am not there.

The funny thing is, I'm not little. I certainly don't disappear when I turn sideways. I have a fuller figure. I'm a plus size. So why can't you see me? Is it because I'm not attractive? Is it because I'm just a mum?

Most people walk around in their own self-centered little bubbles. They drive like there's no one else on the road. They have no manners. They only care about themselves and this makes me very sad.

I'm bringing my boys up to be caring, kind, polite and considerate. Will I make them invisible too?



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Can You See Me?

Manners Maketh Man (and Woman)

When did good manners go out of fashion?

I've written before about people who can't keep nasty comments to themselves and inconsiderate drivers. People are just as rude with shopping trolleys, the world needs to get out of their way. We jostle for position in queues or even - and this does happen, even in reserved Britain - push in!

When did we stop thinking of others and start thinking about ourselves?

I blame the television. Well, at least I think I do. Perhaps it just holds up a mirror to society and what you see on television is a true reflection of the way things really are. I hope not. Either way it is a big influence.

Look at Big Brother. When it started it was a fascinating social experiment. There were accompanying psychology programmes. It soon changed into, not only a freak show, but also a display of appalling bad behaviour.

In 2006 we met Nikki Grahame (photographed above). She was an adult but displayed the manners and self-control of a toddler. She had tantrums. She screamed and stamped her foot if she didn't get her own way. I'd never seen such lack of restraint in a grown up.

The following year we saw Chanelle Hayes. She copied Nikki's character traits and mannerisms as if they were normal standards of behaviour. This was the same series where we had the self-obsessed, argumentative Charley Uchea. Were these people vilified for their behaviour or did they negatively influence a generation of impressionable youngsters?

In 2008 (the last time I watched Big Brother) we saw Alexandra De-Gale threaten and bully her way to ejection from the series.

This was the first time I'd noticed the new obsession with telling it like it is or telling it straight. All of a sudden contestants were being unbelievably rude to each other's faces. Of course telling the truth is important, but where is the consideration for people's feelings? Since when did it become important to tell the truth all the time to complete strangers?

The internet makes it easy to say what you think, hiding behind your screen. You can even be rude to someone you have never met via the medium of anonymity. You can hurt someone's feelings to the point where they end up in tears. Would you make the same hurtful comments to their face? Maybe, but probably not.

I've said this before, but I think it bears repeating because I try to live my life by this rule, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Or at least dress it up a bit. Good friends can gently tell you the truth without hurting your feelings. My good friends are considerate. My good friends have manners.

Am I being old fashioned and hankering for times gone by? Am I an old fuddy-duddy?

Possibly, but I really do believe that while it's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. This is how I'll be raising my children.

Photo Credit  

This post was written as part of the Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop. This week I chose prompt no.1: What is your personal motto?

Manners Maketh Man (and Woman)