I know why babies cost so much. I do. I've worked out exactly why each child costs you £100,000 by the time they reach sweet sixteen.*
Yes, glider chairs and matching glider stools.
This item of 'nursery furniture' is listed in all the baby books as a baby essential.
Before Children I'd never heard of a glider chair. When I was pregnant with Presley I dutifully wrote one on my list of things we need for the baby.
It must be a symptom of 'baby brain'. I didn't question the price or the practicalities of glider chairs and matching glider stools. I really thought they were an essential purchase.
So we ordered the best chair and stool we could afford. They arrived. Andy unpacked them and put them together. Woo. We had our glider items.
We were renting a flat at the time and planning to move when the bump-that-became-Presley was a few months old. We didn't have a nursery - couldn't have a nursery - so our glider items sat in the middle of the lounge. In front of the tumble dryer and fridge-freezer, but that's another story.
I stopped sharing the sofa with my husband and started sitting, regally, on my new throne (when I wasn't bouncing on my birthing ball, you know, the big blue thing that stays in the car when you go into hospital in
agony labour). The chair wasn't that comfortable so I propped myself up with a v-pillow and a normal pillow, just to correct my posture. I didn't slouch throughout the entire pregnancy lest my baby go back-to-back. It worked.
Once Presley arrived I persevered with my glider items. I struggled to breastfeed in the chair because the arms were in the way.
On the plus side, the pocket was handy for keeping my lip balm and nail file in.
On balance though I would have to say that glider items are a total waste of money.
All you need for a baby is love, a pair of strong arms, nappies, cotton wool, vests and babygros and muslin squares - plenty of muslin squares. Forget the explore garden gym, forget the all singing, all dancing, all swinging chair, forget the baby bath, the top and tail bowls and the drop-side cot - seriously you'll never drop the side. The only time the side dropped on Presley's cot was the time it fell on my foot. Bloody thing.
Hands up, who else has a glider chair gathering dust and clothes?
What else did you buy for your babies that was a complete waste of money?
*I have no idea what it actually costs to bring up a child, but £100,000 is a figure that sounds plausible.
This post has been written for the Sleep is for the Weak writing workshop. This week I chose prompt no.3 What gadget, object or invention do you find completely useless and impractical and think the world could do without.