In less than three weeks I'll be forty years old. Forty. The big 4 0. Oh dear!
All my life I've formed opinions and theories as to how you're supposed to look or act at a certain age.
For instance, when I was eighteen my Mum celebrated her fortieth birthday. She had a ladies' night party for her and her friends. There was a stripper-gram. They all loved him. I shudder at the memory of this. I felt that at their age they should have some modicum of decorum. I still feel like this. One day I'll tell you about the worst night of my life, when a friend persuaded me to go to a hen night with her. Oh dear. I think I'm easily shocked!
When I was in my twenties I thought forty was really old. People were middle aged at forty. They were ancient. I couldn't see that far into the future.
Back then I had decided that women over thirty with long hair looked scruffy and unkempt. I got my hair cropped when I was thirty and immediately grew it again. What a silly notion that was!
In my thirties I didn't think much about how I would look or feel at forty. I decided not to look that far ahead. Now it has crept up on me. I can no longer avoid the note on the kitchen calendar. 'S-40', written mainly for Andy's benefit, is getting closer and closer.
I've enjoyed getting older because I feel that I'm maturing. I'm not necessarily wiser, but I'm definitely more comfortable in my own skin. Does life begin at forty? Not for me. My life began the day I met Andy. Before that I was stumbling around, making mistakes, looking for something.
Andy was forty last year. How I laughed, safe in the knowledge that he would always be older than me.
I've delayed planning anything for my Big Day, for three reasons:
1) I've never liked a fuss on my birthday,
2) I keep changing my mind,
3) I've been burying my head in the sand.
So what will it be like the day I turn forty? Much the same as being thirty nine I expect - only with presents and, of course, cake!
This post was written for the Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop. This week I chose prompt no.1 - What's made you feel a little old lately?
To read more writing.... The Best of the British Mummy (and Daddy) Bloggers Carnival is up at Insomniac Mummy. A feast awaits!