I don't usually write about celebrities (unless I'm at a charity event or hob-nobbing with them darling), but I felt I had two-penneth to add on the subject of text affairs.
Vernon Kay has been caught sex-texting with some page three
Some would say that this is harmless. Some would say that nothing actually happened, that he wasn't strictly (see what I did there?) unfaithful to his wife, Tess Daly.
Six years ago I was Tess. Well, not exactly. I was only living with someone - let's call him Colin. We had no children together, although I was a part-time step-mother to his daughter. We'd been together for three years. He had asked me to marry him. I'd said yes. I didn't mean it. He wasn't my Mr Right, he was my Mr Right Now. We had been friends for years. We should have just stayed friends.
I must have had my suspicions about him. One morning, when he was in the shower, I had a look through his phone. I found a sex-text to someone called Jeff. Of course I immediately assumed he was gay. This lasted five seconds. The texts were quite explicit after all.
I stormed off to work, taking his phone with me. I rang 'Jeff's' number. A woman answered. She didn't sound happy to hear from 'Colin'. It turned out that she was in bed with her husband when I rang. Good.
Colin and I had a massive row that evening. I told him to get out. He drove around for two hours and came home saying he had nowhere to go. I relented and let him stay. He said nothing had happened, it was just a flirtation. It was me he loved. He was sorry.
I was FURIOUS. It didn't matter to me whether this was text-sex or a full blown affair. Colin had betrayed me. I would never trust him again.
The next night we watched the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you've seen it you'll know why I decided to let Colin stay. I didn't want to be on my own either. I know, what was I thinking?!
I diligently checked Colin's phone every day. Six months later I was rewarded for my perseverance. There was a text. Colin and his fancy woman had arranged to meet for coffee.
That was it. Game over.
This is why I feel sorry for Tess Daly. I hope Vernon Kay has learned his lesson and is at home with his family eating humble pie. I give their marriage six months.