Three things that are wrong with the cinema

I love going to the cinema. Let me start by saying that, otherwise the rant that follows has no context.

I've always loved films. When I was single I regularly went to the cinema on my own. Sometimes it was just me in the cinema. Well, me and a massive bag of Revels.

When I went travelling I often enjoyed sitting down for a few hours during the day. One particularly memorable film experience was 'Best in Show'. I saw this is Christchurch, New Zealand, on a rainy Tuesday. There were a dozen people in the cinema, mostly pensioners, we all sat at the back. The film, as you would expect from Christopher Guest, is hilarious. What started as a few little chuckles here and there quickly escalated into belly laughs from everyone, and a wonderful shared experience.

These days I mainly see children's films, on a Saturday morning. There's not much to say about that, other than it's a sit down in the warm.

Recently I did see David Tennant in the live RSC production of Richard II. That was amazing. I thoroughly recommend this cinema option as the next best thing to actually being in the audience at Stratford. Again, it's the shared watching that enhances the experience.

This week I was chatting with my oldest friend (well, you know, she's not old, we've been friends for 34 years) and we arranged an impromptu trip to the cinema to see Philomena. Another excellent film, I'd give it a three hanky rating.

This brings me on, however, to what is wrong with the cinema today.

1 - Trailers
When did film trailers change? What happened to a teaser, to whet the appetite? Now you see the whole film. You see all the explosions, all the jokes, all the sad bits, all the spoilers. And it does spoil the film for me. I'd rather not see the trailer. Andy and I watch a lot of DVD's through our Lovefilm subscription and after each trailer we usually say, 'Well, I've seen that, no need to bother watching the DVD'. Last night we saw the trailer for Star Trek: Into Darkness. We've seen the film and were amazed how much of the action is in the trailer. Are trailers for the lowest common denominator? Will people only see a film is they know exactly what they are getting? I don't like it.

Dear People Who Make Trailers,
Please please please go back to proper teasers. You're putting me off your films by showing me the whole story.
Thanks,
Sandy with a brain.

2 - Screening Times
This is my biggest bugbear. I'm freelance. In between working, school volunteering and PTA duties I occasionally like to squeeze in a little me time. Every week I look at the cinema times in the hope that there's a film I can watch, that finishes in time for the school run. This hardly ever happens. Andy has a day off before the children break up. We'd like to see the new Hobbit film at the cinema, but the showings start at 12.40. That's too late for us. Instead we'll wait for it to come out on Lovefilm and move the sofa closer to the television to watch it. It's not the same.

Dear Cineworld,
Please please please show more films that finish at 2.30. Think of all the stay at home or work at home parents who would skive off and spend their money with you during the day.
Thanks,
Sandy with time and money to spend with you.

3 - The Price of Snacks and Drinks
Nothing new here, snacks and drinks have always been a ridiculous price. If cinemas charged a reasonable amount we wouldn't all pop to Sainsbury's beforehand to buy our family-sized bags of Revels.

Dear Cineworld,
Me again. £2.80 for a bottle of water? You robbing so and so's.
Thanks, for nothing,
Sandy.

Do you agree?



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Three things that are wrong with the cinema

Modern Life is Rubbish

Well, not all of it, obviously. I'm not advocating we go and set up camp in the woods. I like my flushing toilet too much for that... and Come Dine With Me. I'd hate to miss that.

What I can't stand is being contacted by or having to contact any call centre.

When they call you it's always a bad time. The poor sap on the other end of the line asks how you are. They don't care. I'd prefer it if they said 'I'm from British Whatever and I'm calling about increasing your monthly direct debit'. They don't do this. They first ask you to confirm who you are. 'BUT YOU RANG MEEEEE!' I cry, trying not to shout. Failing.

The worst calls are from energy suppliers asking why you left them. My answer is 'because you keep ringing me'. I try to be polite, I honestly do. But it's hard. The conversation usually ends with me calming down and kindly asking them to remove me from their list. This never works.

It's even worse when you try to contact these behemoth corporations. We moved house twice last year. That's two lots of moving house type phone calls. This process reduced me to tears. If you don't have your account number you may as well not bother calling, as I found to my annoyance.

Why can't my call be answered by a person, when that person is ready to answer? I'm paying for the call, I just want to talk to a person. I don't want to be told that they are currently experiencing a high volume of calls and I'm being held in a queue. That's not good customer service, that's just pants.

Automated answering service:
"Hello, you're through to British Whatever. Listen carefully to the following options..."

None of the 17 options are any good to me whatsoever.

Me, crying:
"Oh for crying out loud. I JUST WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE. AAARRRRGGGGHHH".

It's not all doom and gloom. I do have a sneaky top tip for getting through to a person. Crying and shouting at the machine does nothing. When you're given the list of options, pretend you're a new customer and you'll get through to a jolly person in no time. I did this once when I wanted to change my Sky package and saved myself 40 minutes.

.

Modern Life is Rubbish

Applying for Primary School

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

Can you hear the shouting and swearing?

I'm tearing my hair out.

I'm applying for primary school places for my boys. Due to our amazing luck we have not one, but two children starting school a year from now. They are brothers, not twins.

I'm guessing that some of my readers are also applying this year and some have already been through it, possibly many times. This is my one shot at the process.

When I was a girl you went to the local school and that was that.  Well, unless you went to a private school and that's not on our agenda.

So I can choose three schools and rank them in order of preference. How does this help when they are all over-subscribed? If we don't get into our first choice school then we don't stand a chance of getting into either of the other two. We are in the catchment area for our first choice. It is the closest school. My boys now attend the nursery class. I want them to go to this school. It is our local school, yet we may not get places.

Here's the kicker. The local authority are under no obligation to place both of my children (or twins or other multiples) at the same school. How can I possibly be in two places at the same time to drop them off and pick them up?

Isn't this a crazy system?  Where is my supposed choice?

Let's not even start on the shoddy online application process that must have been programmed by cretins. Or monkeys. Or cretinous monkeys.

Anyway, I have submitted my applications and now must wait until 4th April 2012 to find out where my boys will go to school. If the school isn't local, this will then have a knock-on effect as they could be placed into a primary school that feeds into a different secondary school.

I feel utterly powerless.

Applying for Primary School

Mind The Gap!

I've decided I need some cards made, like this one:

Has anyone got a laminator I could borrow?

Mind The Gap!