22 July 2013

Write On Link Up Week 4





How did you find this week's writing prompts?

I didn't know where I was going to find the time to write this week, but Sarah from Older Mum in a Muddle suggested a Write In on Sunday evening. A few of us agreed to write from 8-10pm. I joined in, after watching the end of the Tour de France (whoop), and wrote a 1500 word story. Amazing what you can do when you try.

I chose prompt 2 - Turning Point 

‘Fish and chips’ I said.
‘What do you want?’ he asked, again.
‘Fish and chips?’
‘What do you want?’ he shouted.
‘Fish and chips!’ I shouted back, thinking he hadn’t heard me.
‘If you don’t tell me what you want I won’t get you anything’ he bellowed.
This was getting silly. I started chuckling.
‘Fish and chips?’
The door slammed. Oh.

I didn’t get any fish or chips. Apparently I should have specified cod or haddock, or a battered saveloy.

How did I end up here? How did I end up living with an ogre? Not a loveable, green Shrek-like ogre. Oh no, my ogre was a joyless, angry wine-guzzler. He had Shrek’s eyes though. Or maybe his eyes were more toad-like. They could flick from whatever TV programme he was watching to give me ‘the look’, then flick back again. When I got ‘the look’ I knew I’d said something to upset him. He wouldn’t tell me that this was the case, but the eyes had it.

Of course I do know how I ended up here. I had been single for a while. I was feeling unloved. I looked for stuff on Ebay, this took hours. I spent far too much time laying on the sofa reading glossy celebrity magazines. I had put on weight, a lot of weight. I wanted to be like every other woman I saw. They all looked happy, confident and glossy. They went on dates, they had someone. I was lonely.

I joined an internet dating site. I wrote my biography. I said I loved the theatre, cinema, eating out, swimming and walking. It wasn’t true of course, apart from the eating part. I found an old photo, a ten stone photo. You couldn’t really see me, I was too far away. It was my favourite photo of me. I sat back and waited for the flood of date offers.

My standards were low. They were so low down on the low scale that I would have accepted a date with Darren Day (not that he’d have asked me out, what with me weighing fourteen stone and all).

I checked my email every day. Eventually Richard contacted me. We exchanged emails for a while, well for two days, before he asked to meet me. He sounded nice enough, he flattered me on my figure. He liked the theatre, cinema, eating out, swimming and walking too. What am amazing coincidence! I wouldn’t have described him as my ideal man when I saw his photo. More Wayne Rooney than George Clooney, but looks aren’t everything.

The warning signs were there right from the start. I chose to ignore them, after all I was on a date. Richard had clearly lied about his height. He didn’t offer to buy the first drink. He didn’t laugh at my jokes, but laughed heartily at his own. When we were discussing a staff issue I had at work he told me what I should have done to think about the blue sky, out of the box. He told me he’d had an argument with his boss that day and his boss was a tosser.

Still, woo hoo and yay, I had a boyfriend!

Richard lost his job the following month due to a clash of personalities. He also lost his company car so could I drive over to his house and stay there most evenings? After a few weeks we decided I should sell my house and move in with him. Instead of paying my mortgage I could help him out with his, just while he looked for another job. An executive post. A senior management position. Not like my front-line supervisory management position.

He told me he loved me so much. But only so much. How we laughed at his witticism. When I asked him ‘no really, why do you love me?’ – I know, I was asking for trouble – he said it was because I had big tits. I laughed the first time, but after hearing it again and again I think he meant it. The charmer.

We booked a romantic holiday to Barbados. We joked about getting married on the beach, but not even I was that depressed. I upset him in a shop, on a tour of the island. We walked back to the tour bus in silence. The silence continued until we were sat in the bar that evening, drinking our all-inclusive rum punches. I plucked up the courage to ask what was wrong. After the usual rounds of ‘nothing’s wrong’ and ‘are you sure?’ Richard told me what was bothering him. Why didn’t I buy him any dollars to put in his wallet so he could buy the map he wanted?

The map he wanted was rolled up on his suitcase. I'd bought it for him.

I was starting to realise that my life was resembling a bad soap opera. I thought of myself as a tragic down-trodden character. A woman driven to drink by a verbally abusive passive-aggressive partner. You see it all the time in Walford.

Yes, I’d had far too much to drink, but this had fuelled the delusions of cockney princess in me. He wouldn’t dance with me so I stood in the middle of the dance floor and sobbed.

That night in our room we had a shouting scene. We ended our relationship. We just didn’t get on.  It was over. Dum dum dum dum da da dum.

In the morning we clung together to ease our lonely hangovers. We made up. There was a love scene.

The next few months were less like a soap opera and more like the film ‘The Snake Pit’.  In this film the baddies try to convince Vivienne Leigh that she is losing her mind. The film is truly terrifying if you have ever felt like you may lose control of your sanity.

I was on edge the whole time. I alternated between standing up for myself and facing the wrathful consequences, and acquiesing. The latter course of action resulted in my hands shaking. Despite all my shaky efforts at keeping the peace I still upset him.

He hadn’t found another job, I guess there’s not much call for miserable senior executives. Besides, going to work would take him away from his main hobby of looking at  porn on the internet. Filling my computer with viruses, and videos of big girls taking baths.

One weekend I accidentally knocked a wine glass behind an occasional table. When I moved it I discovered the decomposing remains of a bird, a victim of the cat. I’m no forensic scientist, but that bird had been there for quite some time.  When I suggested to Richard that he could perhaps, possibly, if it’s not too much trouble, maybe do a tiny bit more housework during the day while I was at work, he flicked me ‘the look’. I spent the rest of the weekend cleaning his house.

We read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and tried to analyse our relationship. Perhaps we didn’t get on because we were men and women. He needed time in his cave apparently. I wished I was in another cave.

I was worried about his drinking. He guzzled two bottles of red wine every night. Sometimes I joined in, trying to get my fair share of the wine rack. I asked him once why he drank so much. He told me I drove him to it by being such a crazy bitch.

I went to work everyday and spent the first twenty minutes in my friend Jane’s office sobbing in frustration. I told her about the latest argument.  ‘Bastard’ she said. She told me to leave him. ‘I’m trying to make it work’ I said.

Jane and I discussed my relationship every lunchtime. I knew I’d made the wrong choice, but I had nowhere to go.  I knew I should leave, but then I’d have to admit to everyone that the whirlwind romance had run out of puff. I didn’t want everyone to know that I’d been a total idiot. I was ashamed of myself. My self-esteem couldn’t be any lower. She told me to leave him.

The final straw came when Richard offered to look at bungalows for my elderly parent to move into. I said that I would prefer to see them myself as I knew my family better than he did. He said I’d hurt his feelings. My parent were going to have to leave the house they had lived in for forty years and Richard had hurt feelings. Diddums.

I went into work the next day and told Jane that I was leaving Richard. She didn’t believe me. The smile on my face eventually convinced her that I'd reached a turning point. She did a victory dance and bought cakes.

I had lost myself, but in ditching the ogre I found some self-respect.


Richard had a theory about everything. His favourite was ‘All men are bastards, all women are crazy’. Cause and effect?

***

This needs a lot of little editing and more character development, especially for the narrator, less tell and more show, actually the whole thing needs re-writing, but it felt good to hammer something out.

***

Do please add your link below.

There is still plenty of time to join in. You will find this week's writing prompts here.

It would be great if you could visit some, or all, of the other blogs taking part in the Write On Link Up this week. I'd love it if we could support one another in our efforts to just write.

I'll be back in September for more Write On, I hope you'll all join me then.

In the meantime, the link up is open...

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19 July 2013

Reasons to Love Living in Milton Keynes #9



Sausages AND cider?

I bet you ALL wish you lived in Milton Keynes right about now.



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18 July 2013

Weight Loss Coaching - Six Weeks In


Six weeks ago I started a twelve week Weight Loss Coaching programme with Dawn Walton from Think It Change It Cognitive Hypnotherapy and Think Change Become Life Coaching. This is a review. I am not paying for the course, but I am taking as seriously as if I had parted with some cash.

So, how is it going?

My answer will depend on which day you ask me. Some days I would say it's going really well and I feel completely in control. Other days, not so well. Even on a bad day, where my eating seems out of control, I'm still able to write down three positive changes that I've noticed that day.

I have lost eleven pounds since I've been listening daily to my ten minute MP3.

I'm still not cured. I'm still worried I'll always go back to my fall-back position of emotional binge eating.

BUT

The changes I have noticed in my eating habits, in my relationship with food and in my feelings towards exercise are enormous.

I eat loads of fruit and vegetables. I enjoy eating. I no longer feel guilty if I eat a 'bad' food. I am putting less on my plate. When I eat I listen to my body and stop eating as soon as I feel full. Most of the time I save my dinner leftovers for my lunch the next day (I was bought up as a member of the Clean Plate Club and I hate to waste food).

I now walk everywhere. I run up stairs. I don't leave things at the bottom of the stairs to take up later, I run up with them there and then. I can run after my children. I've even shown them how to skip.

I feel great in my clothes. I'm buying smaller sizes, confident that I'll get in them. I'm feeling good about myself, taking care of my skin, painting my nails. I go out and don't worry that people are looking at me, feeling disgusted by my size. I've had my hair cut short because I no longer have a double chin to try to disguise.

I am still struggling with eating mindfully. Some days I can do it, other days I can't. I'm not beating myself up over it. I accept that it is hard and I'm pleased that I manage it some of the time. Eating mindfully is all about connecting your mind and body. You listen to your body, to what it needs. You can eat what you want when you want it, so long as you stop when you have had enough.

When I started eating mindfully I got terribly upset. After years of being told what not to eat, what to eat, when to eat it, you are free to eat anything and I found it unbelievably stressful. I wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't know which way was up for a while. My conscious mind could not cope with this freedom. When Dawn asked me to eat what I wanted for a week, I freaked out, but I tried it and managed it for two days.

I'm still not fully eating mindfully. I'm still going to Slimming World and pretty much following their eating plan. This is causing a conflict, but I don't yet feel confident enough to walk away from regular weigh-ins. I'm worried if I stop going I'll put back on all the weight I have lost, even though I know there is another way.

I expect to talk about this with Dawn the next time we Skype. In between these sessions Dawn is always available via email and she has been incredibly supportive.

Sorry I couldn't be clearer about how it's going. In summary I would say that the Weight Loss Coaching is going brilliantly well, but I don't feel cured yet.


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Making T-Shirts with Cricut



I was invited, by Ranieri, for a Cricut blog event in London. They paid my travel expenses, sent me a Cricut Mini and gave me some card from Papermilldirect.co.uk.

I was curious about the Cricut Mini as I make my own cards, but the machine can do far more than help with that. The Cricut machine uses a blade to cut intricate designs out of card, vinyl or sticky iron-on fabric.

I decorated T-shirts for my boys. I chose the teddy bear and monkey from thousands of designs available online. I re-sized them and set the machine going. Once they were finished I was able to peel the designs off and place them on the t-shirts ready for ironing. I was delighted with the finished product. They look professional.

The sky is the limit. You can create anything, from simple text - in any font you can think of - to complex pictures and patterns. The machine takes a little getting used to, but the software is straightforward.



I'm looking forward to playing with my Cricut Mini and improving my home-made cards by a factor of around one billion. My husband has his sights set on making his own band t-shirts and I'm going to decorate the boys' bedroom wall with something snazzy in vinyl - maybe some monkey and teddy bear wall art. Watch this space...



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17 July 2013

Keep Calm and Blog On


Blogs Up North Blog On 2013


This Sunday I will be going to the Blog On conference in Manchester, further cementing my position an Honorary Northerner. Until recently I lived in Preston. That counts. It does.

I can't wait to see my old blogging chums and meet some new ones. The sessions look great and I know Laura has been working tirelessly with her team to pull this event together.

So, for those who don't know me, I'm Sandy Calico. I've been blogging for four years. You can follow me in all the usual places, links are in the sidebar.

I'm 5'7" tall and not quite as fat as I used to be. My hair is now in a short grey bob.

This is me, Mum of the Year




I won't have a child on my lap on Sunday, but I may have a drink...

Do come and say hello.



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