I've worried my whole life.
Becoming a parent took worrying to a whole, previously unimaginable, new level.
I worried whether I would ever have children. I worried about genetics. I worried about how long it would take to conceive.
I worried all the way through each pregnancy. I worried whether I was healthy enough, whether my baby was healthy enough. I worried about what I ate, drank, touched, did. I worried about labour, about how much it would hurt, whether I would have the stamina to get through it.
I worried about caring for a newborn baby - such a responsibility. Was I holding him right? Was he feeding? Was he sleeping? Was he too hot or too cold? Should he be crying more or less? Was he okay?
I worry whether my boys are developing 'normally', I also worry that I am wishing their lives away waiting to hit the next developmental milestone.
I worry about feeding them. I worry that they are eating enough fruit and vegetables. I worry that they are too fussy, that they eat too much bread. I worry that I am too strict, but I worry more that they don't listen to me.
I worry that I don't stimulate them enough and I worry that they are over-stimulated. How much baking and crafting is enough? Should I be taking them to clubs yet? I know I should take them for swimming lessons, but I worry about how I look in a swimsuit. I worry that this is selfish.
I worry that I'll be the fattest mum at the school gates. I worry that their friends will laugh at them. I worry that they won't make friends. I worry that they are too shy and lack confidence.
I know I'll worry about them for the rest of our lives.
The biggest worry of all is when they are ill. They are so small and mine don't really say what is wrong. They just get quiet, clingy and teary. My imagination runs riot and I get hypochondria-by-proxy. I worry myself sick.
Last Wednesday Cash had to go to hospital with suspected swine flu, but he was treated and bounced back remarkably quickly. Thank you all for your get well wishes, they worked - he is full of beans again. I am relieved, but still on edge.
Three year old Presley has had a temperature, cold and nasty cough since Christmas Eve, although his symptoms haven't been as dramatic or acute as his brother's, they are enough for me to worry. I listen to him coughing in his sleep and know there is little I can do to help him. Each morning he is tired. He has spent the past couple of days laying on our laps. I'm going to take him back to the GP tomorrow. Last Wednesday the GP said it was just a virus. I'm hoping this time the GP can treat him or at least tell me that there is nothing to worry about.
I will still worry.
.
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you x
ReplyDeleteI so know where u are coming from. The title parent should actually have 'worry constantly' in brackets after it!
ReplyDeleteAh I am also a worrier :) - I have no idea how I'll cope when the unborn one becomes a living breathing child!
ReplyDeleteWe all cope though and we all make it through :) xxx
"Its a Mothers Cross to bear to worry"- thats a quote from my Gran, mother of 3 boys!
ReplyDeleteI worry all the time, I think its made worse when they're ill because of course then they are up in the night so you lose sleep too, but I always think its stranger when you meet a Mum of young children who says they don't worry at all!
Oh Sandy, I think worry is just part of the job description. I can really relate to worrying about our kids, and especially their health because it's really something we're powerless to influence a lot of the time.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I try not to worry about ME in that sense. Don't let worrying about how you look stop you living your life and enjoying it with your boys. First of all, you're beautiful anyway, and your boys adore you. And second, I operate on the principle that most people are far too busy worrying about their own wobbly bits to be staring at me at the swimming pool.
Glad they're looking up and Cash is full of beans, though
x
I think worrying and of course feeling guilty are all part of being a parent aren't they. Really sorry to hear your little one's have been so unwell xxx
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately the worry is par for the course I reckon! Hope that everyone is soon better xx
ReplyDeleteAll that worrying means you are doing your job right and being a great mom. Unfortunately, the worry never goes away - even when they are a strapping 16 year old.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to think I'm a totally unfit mother with this - but since we got the dog, I worry more about her when she's "off colour". My kids are very verbal so I hear about every twinge, ache and pain. The dog, on the other hand, can't talk (gasp) and so I never know why she's suddenly gone quiet.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though - I think most mums feel the same way you do.
It never stops does it. Overwhelming......I worry too, about everything! You are not alone, please take care of yourself too and....try not to worry too much. Wishing Presley a speedy recovery. X
ReplyDeleteI'm not a worrier by nature, but my partner does enough of it for both of us!!! I always joke that if we don't actually have anything close to home to worry about, he'll find something global - like Climate Change, or Bird Flu.
ReplyDeleteOh, and BTW: You're a great, loving, caring Mum, and I'm sure your boys already know just how lucky they are to have you!! x
I think it is important to know that there is someone in the world who worries for you. That is what a mother's love is in many ways. Keep up the good work. And get yourself a large G&T to take the edge off! x
ReplyDeleteTis a parents job to worry - it's what we do best x
ReplyDeleteJontybabe, you're absolutely right! :-)
ReplyDeleteBethan, we all cope and you will too, the worrying is just more acute when they are ill. x
Claire, yes! I would worry about that too! x
Sally, that's just it, when they're ill you have no control. Thank you for the confidence boost. Of course, now I have read it back I can see that I am being an idiot for not taking the boys for swimming lessons. x
Photopuddle, thank you, I think we've turned a corner now x
Emma, thank you, it's looking that way x
ReplyDeleteGigi, I suspected that was the case! x
Expat Mum, I worried about our dog too, when we had one! I'm sure as my children get older they will give me more information about their aches and pains! :-)
Cherished by me, there is always something! He is much better today, thank you x
Mummy's Little Monkey, oh bless you, what a lovely thing to say :-) x
Mummysquared, yes, I'm glad I'm around to worry about them x
ReplyDeleteNickie, you're so right! x
Thank you all for your concern. Presley has dramatically improved today after starting antibiotics, steroids and an inhaler yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping we all get a good night's sleep tonight!
Sandy x
I worry too! I moved the 7-year-old's mattress into our room when she was ill, just so I could hear her breathe.
ReplyDeleteAnother worrier here and I know that worry when your child is sleeping and coughing and you are powerless to make it go away - horrible. I worry about swine flu and then I worry about my boy in Italy who is now 23, lives on his own and leads a happy life but still I worry...it's a mum's destiny I suppose
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed your LO gets better very soon
Oh I worry all the time about Baba, I think it is just part of the job, if you are not worrying I would be concerned.
ReplyDeleteI am glad everyone is on the mend hope you are all better soon xx
I dont think you need to worry at all..
ReplyDeleteA Modern Mother, I've done that too. I'm glad all is well now x
ReplyDeleteMari, they are a worry! He's fully recovered now thank you x
Kerry, you're right, it is part of the job - not the best bit, obviously! x