Playgroup Etiquette

Is there a playgroup etiquette guide?

If there is, I don't have a copy.

This afternoon at playgroup Cash was busy playing on the rug with a toy piano. A little boy, probably three years old, was pushing the shopping trolley around the room. Cash was in his way so the little boy gave Cash a nudge with the trolley. Cash started to crawl politely out of the way. As he did this the little boy changed direction and again nudged Cash with the trolley. Cash sat back and looked up at him, confused. The little boy reversed the trolley and pushed it into Cash, harder this time.

At this point I intervened. I'd had enough of seeing my baby get pushed around. He gets enough of this at home from his brother.

As the little boy reversed the trolley for more ramming I gently took hold of the trolley and said to him 'uh uh, you're not to push things at the babies, there's a good boy'.

The little boy looked at me, realised he'd been rumbled, and walked away.

The little boy was fine. Cash was fine. No angry mother approached me to start a fight.

Even so, I wondered whether I had done the right thing. Did I cross a line? How would I have felt if one of the other mothers told Presley off?

Playgroup Etiquette

For Crying Out Loud!

Is there some kind of Playgroup Etiquette? If there is I didn't get the email!

After my difficult first time at playgroup and the incident when I ruffled my feathers, today I had a new experience.

Presley is a bit under the weather, hopefully just a little cough and cold. He probably caught the bug from playgroup last week, so I decided to take the boys today. The session started well. Presley had a little push of the trolley and opened and closed the Wendy house door at least fifty times that I saw. He then sat down on the mat close to where I was playing with Cash. Cash incidentally can nearly crawl and likes to stand up holding my fingers.

Presley was playing with all the toys that do something. I'll elaborate, the ones where you press a button and a cow pops up or twist a piece of plastic and a cat pops up. He became quite the expert.

I'd noticed a baby crying and saw he was with his grandmother (she looked like a grandmother, although one should never assume), she was trying to get him to push a baby walker. He was having none of it. So she sat on the mat near us. She took one of the toys that do something and tried to interest the crying baby in it. Again, he wasn't having any of it. Presley did what he would have done for Cash, he showed the baby how to get the flamingo (or whatever) to pop up. The grandmother did not like this one bit. She moved the toy away from Presley. Each time she moved it he followed it. This happened three times. Then she said to him 'Nicholas is playing with this'.

Can you feel my hackles rising?

This was not strictly true. Nicholas was crying and he wasn't actually playing with it. She was trying to encourage him to play with it.

Anyway.

I can see that from where she was sitting Presley was playing with the toy she had chosen for Nicholas, but I didn't think he was doing any harm. He hadn't taken it away from Nicholas, in fact he was playing with it upside down, so the baby had the best view of the dragonfly (or whatever).

Children take toys from other children all the time. The grass is always greener. If another child is playing with a toy it must be infinitely more interesting than the hundreds of other toys at playgroup. I encourage sharing and I'm trying to teach Presley (and Cash too) that snatching is wrong.

So was my little boy in the wrong? Should the grandmother have been so possessive over the toy that does something?

I don't think so, but hey, I didn't get the email!

For Crying Out Loud!

Playgroup Revisited

I hadn't been to a playgroup in a church hall for 35 years, so today was a big day for me and my two boys. I've been building up to this for a while now. I wasn't really sure what to expect so there was fear of the unknown, but the main reason for putting it off was the time 1.15 to 2.45. This is nap time. The toddler (21 months) and the baby (9 months) both have a nap after lunch. It's the only time I have to myself during the day!

I wanted to take the boys somewhere we could all socialise. Having two babies so close together has made it difficult for me to take them both to the same group and I was feeling slightly isolated and in need of adult conversation.

I had decided to go to this playgroup in particular as it is where the boys will go to nursery and it is the closest, only a five minute walk away. So we had a slightly early lunch and headed off. I eventually found the correct entrance and bravely marched in. There were only two women and a child in there (being early is one of my things)! I announced "I'm new" and the playgroup leader gave me a quick briefing, took my pound, then I was left to my own devices.

I'm guessing this is a typical playgroup set up: loads of toys on a central rug, tables of activities, and chairs around the edge of the room. I let the toddler loose and off he ran and started playing. He has been a shy child so it was wonderful to see him getting stuck in, especially when the room filled with adults and children.

Then I had a dilemma - where should I sit? Now I know I'm not alone in this, please read Kim's wonderful blog about not knowing where to stand (and getting a decent haircut). I thought the baby would have a sleep so I left him in the pram and parked it at the end of a row of chairs and sat down next to him. Then I watched all the new arrivals come in and sit nowhere near me. I'm no yummy mummy, but I only have the one head. I realised one group of mums must be friends, dare I say a clique? They all looked like they belonged together; all fake tans, short T-shirts, sleek hairdos and makeup. I have none of these.

Then, hurrah, one mum sat five chairs away, on her own. She looked quite shy too so I made the first move and said 'hi'. She was quite new to the group and we had a lovely chat about children - thank goodness we had something in common! She is nine months pregnant, so she may not be at playgroup next week, but I hope she is. I didn't even ask her name, but her three year old is Eddie, I love this name!

It was time for a cup of tea (or a brew as they call it up here). I realised the baby wanted to know what was going on and did not want a sleep, so I took him to play on the mat. I sat on the periphery of the yummy mummies, hoping to catch an eye, maybe smile at another baby, but this was denied by one of the mums turning her back and closing ranks. Now I don't know if this was deliberate, but it ruled out getting to know her or her friends. At least I had the baby to play with and the toddler to watch.

I was pleased to be there, the boys enjoyed themselves and I did speak to a few people when we sat down at the end for songs and nursery rhymes. I even got a bit emotional when we sang 'Happy Birthday" to one little girl - I don't know why, maybe I was emotional at finally plucking up the courage to start at playgroup.

The downside of course was the fact that the boys didn't have an afternoon nap. The toddler in particular looked shattered and didn't want much tea.

Will I go again next week? Yes I will. It's good for all of us. Now I know the ropes I'll make an effort to talk to the other loners (well everyone who isn't a yummy mummy) and see if I can make some friends. It's easier to make virtual friends in blogging or Twitter than it is in real life, well it is for shy old me anyway.

Playgroup Revisited