4 October 2012

Blame


Child abduction is, thankfully, extremely rare.

Unfortunately when it does happen the first people who seem to be blamed are the parents.

In real life and on-line you hear this:

I wouldn't let my five year old play out at 7pm, she should be in bed.
I wouldn't lose sight of my 3 year old in a shopping centre.
I wouldn't let my children be friends with the school caretaker.
I wouldn't go out for a meal and leave my children in an unlocked room.

Maybe that's the case, but we can all be smug after the event.

Perhaps what we should remember is that the parents of April Jones are suffering because someone took their child. If you want someone to blame, blame the bastard that took her.

What a shame that we can't give our children a little bit of freedom to play out with their friends. When I was young we all went off on our bikes, around the village and to the park, and came home for tea. We went to call for our friends from a very young age.

I don't let my children out of my sight, not even for a second. They are only 5 and 4, but I can't see my fears abating in the next couple of years.

Because of a few bastards, like the person took poor April, I've had to talk to my innocent boys about stranger danger. There are some great links in this post by Just Do It Mummy on this very difficult subject.

My heart goes out to April and her family. I am praying that she is returned safe, but I am fearful. Thinking about her is keeping me awake at night and tearful during the day.

Whatever happened to Madeleine McCann, her parents have lost their child. You wouldn't wish that kind of pain on your worst enemy.



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19 comments:

  1. As I've been saying on Facebook the ONLY person to blame is the one who took her. Why should anyone be at blame because a child was playing on her bike outside her home with her friends? It can happen anytime to anyone, some people just need a moment's opportunity to do something evil. All my thoughts are with her family, they have to live with this forever.

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    1. @Liz, I couldn't agree more. It's heartbreaking.

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  2. hear hear. And really, I want my child to be able to play in her street by herself/with her friends. It's good for children's wellbeing to have a bit of control and autonomy. I have lost sight of my 5 year old countless times (because she is that kind of child who is fast and independent), it happens. There is nothing, nothing, nothing, the parents did wrong.

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    1. @Cartside, my 5yo is independent and a runner too. It's horrible having to reign them in.

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  3. Yes! What's wrong is that we have got to the stage where parents have to think twice about letting a child play on the streets outside their front doors with their friends. I'm lucky to live in an area where this is still normal. April was obviously living somewhere similar. Abduction is very rare and her parents have been incredibly unfortunate. The only person who has done anything wrong is the abductor - it could have happened too any of us no matter how careful we think we are.

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    1. @milk chic, I totally agree. I fearful every time I check the news today :(

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  4. I completely agree. I wonder if the same people say that women in short skirts deserve to be raped

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    1. @Rachel, I thought that when I was writing the post, but decided not to go off topic this time. I agree though. There's far too much victim blaming that accompanies rape, it's no wonder the prosecution and conviction rates are so low.

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  5. The ONLY person to blame is the low life scum who took her

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  6. I agree whoever abducts the child is 100% to blame. But....(you'll hate me for saying this) does a 5 year old know the dangers of getting into a car with someone/stranger or not? Compared to an older child of say 9 or 10 who would hopefully be more aware of the dangers. (It's hard to put a specific age on it of course) I would love to give my 4 year old the freedom I had to play out late and not feel like I have to "keep an eye on her" but sadly the fear of what's happen to April and her family makes me one of those parents who would be with her at that age, even if I was sat on a bench reading a magazine I couldn't imagine allowing her to play away from home with no adult supervision. I'd still be concerned about her trying to climb onto a high wall, or cross the road, or walking up to a stray dog etc.. No one knows the full details of what happened, where they live exactly or who she was with, whether another parent was looking after them but I guess people with children of that age have an opinion based on their own child, where they live and how "safe" they feel it is. Children get abducted from their back gardens and the parents will still get blamed or feel responsible for not being sat outside with them "watching guard". It makes us a paranoid nation too all because of these sick twisted individuals. I can't imagine what her family must be going through, it's heart wrenching!I just hope they find her soon. Very interesting topic though!

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    1. @Anonymous, thank you for your comment. Sadly the news isn't good today.

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    2. No, our biggest fears confirmed, but it still so many unanswered questions, why couldn't he put her poor parents mind at rest and let them know where she was, dead or alive...very, very sad! :o(

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  7. I blogged on this subject a couple of weeks ago before all of this current panic: http://www.daddacool.co.uk/2012/09/warning-contains-no-mild-peril.html

    Basically out of 11m kids in the country, around 60 are abducted by strangers each year. Statistically that number is insignificant; it's 0.00055% of the child population. It's obviously not insignificant if it's your child but the likelihood of it happening is one in 183,000.

    And what can you do if it's not a stranger? God knows.

    It's all about picking your battles really. If your child is 30 times more likely to get childhood type 2 diabetes than get abducted, getting them active etc would be a better use of your time imho.

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    1. @Alex, yes, abduction is extremely unlikely. My children still get active outside, but only when I'm there. I hope that when they're older I'll let them have a bit more freedom too.

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  8. Hi Sandy

    Read this via BritMums and as promised, posting a link to the Lost Kidz App Facebook page.

    Stephen

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  9. So if we allow our children to play on a railway line, the train driver is to blame if they are killed? I'm thinking more about the suffering of this poor, poor little girl whose parents should have done everything they possibly could to protect her, because she can't protect herself. But they didn't. And that is something they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. Yes, the abductor is to blame but as parents we have to protect our children and by that, I don't mean cossetting them and never letting them out, but a 5 year old child should not be out on the streets at 7.30 at night when it is getting dark and it is a school night. She should have been in the bath, getting ready for bed, safe. Then we wouldn't be having this discussion.

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