22 April 2012
I loved The Voice when it first started.
At last, I thought, blind auditions. The judges can't see the acts, so image doesn't play a part. That's refreshing, I thought.
The Voice made me laugh about ten times in each episode when they call the judges the BIGGEST NAMES IN POP. Yes, Tom Jones is a legend. Yes, one-hit-wonder Jessie J is big right now. There's wacky will-i-am. He's cute and funny AND talented and my new favourite person off the telly. Then there's Danny O'Donoghue from The Script. I still have no idea who he is. Can someone please explain what he does apart from ask the others 'are you going?'?
That aside, I was perfectly happy to spend my Saturday evening watching something not made by Simon 'Shagger' Cowell.
The main reason I hate the X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent is the whole SuBo thing. Susan Boyle shuffles on to the stage. She looks a bit funny, a few sandwiches short of a picnic. The judges snigger behind their hands. The audience openly laugh. Then she starts singing. Her voice is incredible, clear, strong and stunning. Aha, everyone says, don't judge a book by its cover. She is talented. Everyone cheers. Hurrah.
BUT what if she couldn't sing? The audience would have thrown their metaphorical tomatoes at her. How dare she get on their stage? Daft cow. The message from these shows is that unless you have a 'talent' you're worthless. I don't know SuBo, but I'd imagine she has plenty of wonderful qualities. If she couldn't sing she'd still have those qualities, but she'd have been humiliated on national television.
People do argue that X-Factor and BGT aren't modern day freak shows. The people auditioning know the score and if they're deluded enough to put themselves on the goggle-box then they deserve everything they get. I don't agree. I don't like the mocking cruelty. I particularly dislike the way the rejects are paraded for our entertainment during the final.
Anyway, back to The Voice. This weekend has seen THE BATTLE. They've even made the perspex stage into a boxing ring. Yawn. We're told that each judge needs to see their acts perform two at a time. They sing the same Aretha Franklin songs we've heard a gazillion times before. The artists try to out-shout, sorry, out-sing each other so the judges can decide who they take through to the live shows. After the shout-off the judges pretend to be making the most difficult decision of their lives.
I just don't buy it.
When I saw the pairings last night I correctly predicted NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN who would go through before they'd opened their massive gobs.
You see, now it's not just about the voice, it's about image and back-story. Of course Amy Winehouse's mate goes through. Of course Jaz goes through, even with bronchitis and a chest infection, because he made will-i-am squeeze out a tear last week singing 'Ordinary People'. Of course Bo, the posh bird with the annoyingly affected voice, goes through. She'll sell a few papers because her sister once played hockey with a Middleton. So far, so predictable.
I hope the live shows are entertaining and that the contestants go on a journey, but, sadly, we've seen it all before.
What do you think?
More importantly, who is Danny O'Donoghue?