Is there a playgroup etiquette guide?
If there is, I don't have a copy.
This afternoon at playgroup Cash was busy playing on the rug with a toy piano. A little boy, probably three years old, was pushing the shopping trolley around the room. Cash was in his way so the little boy gave Cash a nudge with the trolley. Cash started to crawl politely out of the way. As he did this the little boy changed direction and again nudged Cash with the trolley. Cash sat back and looked up at him, confused. The little boy reversed the trolley and pushed it into Cash, harder this time.
At this point I intervened. I'd had enough of seeing my baby get pushed around. He gets enough of this at home from his brother.
As the little boy reversed the trolley for more ramming I gently took hold of the trolley and said to him 'uh uh, you're not to push things at the babies, there's a good boy'.
The little boy looked at me, realised he'd been rumbled, and walked away.
The little boy was fine. Cash was fine. No angry mother approached me to start a fight.
Even so, I wondered whether I had done the right thing. Did I cross a line? How would I have felt if one of the other mothers told Presley off?
Seems what you did was fair to me - perhaps the mother should have been the one to intervene, but she clearly wasn't paying attention. And it's not like you shouted and bawled at the child.
ReplyDeleteRather than how would you feel if someone told Presley off, how would you feel if Presley had been doing the ramming? If it were my child potentially hurting another, I would be mortified, and want them telling if I hadn't have noticed.
It's not like you stepped in for no reason. I would have done exactly the same.
I think you absolutely did the right thing - if the 3 year old's mum wasn't paying attention, someone had to tell him he was doing wrong - and of course you're going to look out for your little guy!!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about it - if you'd done the wrong thing then I'm sure someone would have made you aware! And if the rammer's Mother hadn't have liked it then I'm sure she would have said something too. Of course you have to defend your child - that's what you're there for!
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding? Do you even have to ask? GEEZ! Don't question yourself. Your kid was being abused. Where was the mother, gabbing on her cell phone? That's usually what I see when I have to intervene. You did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteOf course you did the right thing. I'm always telling other children off, and I'm quite happy for other parents to protect their children from mine. Don't worry about etiquette if other children bring brats.
ReplyDeleteYou were totally right. It's a parents responsibility to keep on eye on their own kids but if they're one of those who just dumps them & ignores them then it's up to you to stop him being a shit and protect your own child.
ReplyDeleteWe were at my mums a couple of weeks ago when her friend & her 2 year old came round. I'm pretty sure this had ADHD he was running around the house screaming at the top of his voice, pushing Sam over and throwing Sam's toys around. I was not impressed. His mum just smiled & said 'I have no control'!! Well I bloody did. I pulled him to oneside, knelt down to his level & said 'No' loudly. Not the best way of doing things, especially when it wasn't my child but it worked. His mum said she had never said no to him before. Really? Couldn't tell.
I think what you did was fine. I would have been mortified if I thought my toddler was causing distress to another baby / child. I also wouldn't be able to sit there and watch an active toddler play aggresively with my child without intervention.
ReplyDeleteI would have done exactly the same, besides if the other parent had been watching their child you might not have had to intervene.
ReplyDeleteI think what you said was low key and polite and impossible for anyone to take offence at unless they had some kind of attitude problem! We all have to step in from time to time. I watched a couple of weeks ago as a child went round playgroup banging a hammer around on other kids fingers, slapping and pinching other kids about and leaving a trail of tears. His mother was sat chatting away and just got up now and agin when she knew there was a problem, but never knew what had happened because she wasn't watching. The question is, when should one of us intervene and tell HER off....no thanks...just concerned I may snap at her at some point and never be able to return!
ReplyDeleteYou did good but I know what you mean. When my boy was little I was very protective and more than once I got myself in trouble with other mums for politely complaining about their children!!! Not to be recommended.
ReplyDeleteLove the way you wrote this post. My son is grown now but I do like to share the lives of the little ones through blogging. Very enjoyable posting.
Oh, the etiquette of toddler groups. There's one thing worse than the situation you describe - and that's being a dad in the same situation....
ReplyDeleteYou did absolutely the right thing. It's hard to know when it's not your child, but we all take our eyes off our kids sometimes even if it is only briefly and if they were to do something in that moment we'd want someone to deal with them as kindly and gently as you did.
ReplyDeleteDefinatley did the right thing. If they dont want other people to have to step in they should keep a closer eye on them.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing, I've done something similar when a boy was hurting my daughter. You have to protect them and go with your gut feeling.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your supportive comments.
ReplyDeleteI'd heard that you shouldn't intervene at playgroups because the children need to work it out for themselves. This is why I was worried I had done the wrong thing.
Clearly though a 13 month old needed assistance. He needed someone to step in. I have no idea who the little boy's mother is, but most of the other mothers seem to pay little attention to their children.
I have two little ones to keep an eye on. I often see Presley let bigger girls take the pushchair off him. I don't step in there. I hope he never gets into a scrap! You can't watch them the whole time.
I know now that I did the right thing. Thanks again x
You did it nicely. Sometimes these mums are off with fairies.....not noticing whats happening.
ReplyDeleteYou did fine
RMxx
RM, thanks lovely xx
ReplyDeleteThe Dotterel is right, only being a Dad in that situation is worse. Our etiquette is to stand there looking stupid and awkward, and hope that nobody notices our childrens odd socks.
ReplyDeleteJamie, that made me smile. There is one dad at our playgroup. He keeps his coat on the whole time. Perhaps he thinks he may need to make a quick getaway!
ReplyDelete