I knew you were fed up with a box of wine gums every year, but I have a better present for you this year. I've sorted my life out, I've found what I was looking for.
I wish you could see me now.
I have a wonderful husband, I know you would get on really well with him. He's clever, like you. I met him a week before you passed away. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I'd met the love of my life (well, I didn't exactly know that then, but I had a pretty good idea). When I mentioned there was someone I wanted to meet off the internet you thought he would be a paedophile, grooming me. I reminded you that I was thirty-six years old. You said you would always think of me as a six year old. Your little girl.
I still am sometimes.
I wanted a hug from my daddy this week, when we lost our cat Eric. You would have shed a tear too and then told me to pull myself together. We would have sat at the dining room table drinking coffee and eating your delicious homemade bread, covered with soft butter. You would have told me I was putting on weight and should I be eating that. I would have told you to shut up. We would have looked at the crossword together. We would fantasise about winning the lottery, how much each of us would give the other.
Your best present of all, of course, would be your two gorgeous grandchildren.
I bet you'd given up all hope of becoming a Grandad.
Presley looks a bit like you, he definitely takes after our side of the family. Cash looks more like his Daddy. They are amazing boys. I can see you with one on each knee. You could tell them the story about the hedgehogs that you made up when I was small. Of course you would take thousands of photographs of them and we would watch their little eyes glaze over when you went into far too much detail about the settings on your camera. Don't worry, we take plenty of photos of them.
When they are old enough to ask where Mummy's Daddy is, I will tell them he is smiling in heaven, proud of Mummy.
Happy Birthday Dad. I love you and I miss you x
Oh my, it took me two attempts to read that, I am blubbing so much. Simply beautiful, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautifully moving post, i'm so sorry for your loss you dad sounds like an amazing man you are truely lucky to have had him in your life. I wish i was able to say one percent as much for my father. I have to go and make the tea now as Mia is asking "why are you crying mummy?"
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful, and made me very tearful.
ReplyDeleteI bet your dad is looking down on you, beaming at the seams with pride :) xx
Awwww hun what a lovely tribute to your Dad, I'm sure he's somewhere pleased as punch at what you've achieved with your wonderful family.
ReplyDeleteIt was my Dad's first birthday since he died (if that makes sense) in February this year and I know how hard it is, I miss mine a lot too.
Hugs, Mel xxx
I ALWAYS forget my fathers D-Day. Shameful you say. ABSOLUTELY I reply. I dont know what it is. I suppose by this point its all subconscious, but still. It's April 3rd. You can bet a bottom dollar that at midnight on April 4th, he'll get an "oops" call from me. I am a fantastic gifter though. Me missing his birthday has kind of become our thing now though. I adore my father. Please dont judge me too hardly!
ReplyDeleteSuch a pretty letter.
ReplyDeleteHad a little weep for you and your dad....
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you a big virtual hug.
What a lovely moving post...made me shed a little tear, it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your dad, and are passing on lots of lovely things to your boys thanks to that special relationship..xx big hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteDancinfairy, thank you. I didn't mean to make you cry, although I was crying as I wrote it.
ReplyDeleteWoB, thank you. My Dad wasn't perfect, but we had a great relationship. I'm sorry that isn't the case for you.
Leslieanne, thank you. He never told me he was proud of me, but I'm sure he is now x
Mel, thank you. Yes, that did make sense. The first birthday, Christmas, Father's Day - they're all so difficult. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending you ((HUGS)) back x
Jackie, I'm sure he doesn't mind one bit :-)
Mwa, thank you.
Jen, aww, thank you for the hug x
Lorraine, thank you. I'll let them know all about him. Thanks for the hugs x
Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteI think we probably all remembered our own Dads as we read it.
Glad that Eric is at least back with those who loved him,
GG
GG, thanks. I hope it brought back lovely memories for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post, I'm sure your Dad is so proud of you xx
ReplyDeleteClare, thanks, I do hope so x
ReplyDelete